August 14th, 2020 was the day my life changed forever. At 11:30 that morning, I received news from Kenya that my 112-118 year-old grandfather had passed away two hours earlier. Why the age gap you might be wondering, according to my grandpa (Guka) in 1910 he was a ‘Kamwana’ which in English translates to a young boy. His brother who is also alive and the fourth bone in the family, is currently at 96 years old. And if you give a gap of 5 years, my grandpa was probably 117 years old. Nevertheless, what made the morning even tougher, was that my girlfriend and I had gone on our first sunrise hike up Mt. Rainer National Park. The early sky was starlit, and we enjoyed a peaceful, lovely morning. This was my first sunrise hike of 2020 and I didn’t know it would be the last day for my grandpa. Though he had lived a long life, the news of his passing was not easy to hear and it came as a shock to our entire family.
You see, I don’t know Christmas without my grandfather. All my childhood and adult life, he has always been there whenever we visited. One would find him underneath his favorite tree where his special chair was placed. Here he welcomed kids, grandkids, and great grandkids to speak blessings and talk to us. He lived a big, large life. Anything he did or touched was enormous. But now, life had taken its final, but unexpected turn.
This was my second painful loss of a dear family member. This person I truly cared for and loved was no longer there, my grandfather. I was grieving his loss and trying to plan the logistics of how I could travel across the world to pay my last respects. International travel during Covid-19 proved difficult and stressful. I felt drained and was hurting, still hurting! And so, as I usually do when stressed or going though uncharted waters, I turned to nature for healing. Mr. R. and I decided to go camping as we had planned a week prior.
Sunday, August 16th we set out to go camping at one of our favorite hiking trails up Mount Baker. The weather forecast warned that this was going to be one of the hottest days in Washington State, at 91 degrees. So, we decided to start our hike super early. How early you might ask? We got up at 4 a.m. and were on the road by 4:30. We started our hike at 7:30 a.m. and made it to our destination by 10:30. On our hike up, we came across about 20 backpackers hiking down. On arrival, we were not surprised to have the entire lake to ourselves. We had time to pick the best camping site among three ideal sites. One by an exposed rock with a 360-degree view of the glacier and the lake. The second, right by the corner, with a 270-degree view of the glacier and the lake but with some shade on the back. The third camping spot, beyond the second, had a view of the lake, the valley and was much more private and well shaded. You wouldn’t know it existed if you were looking from a different angle or across the lake. We finally decided to set up camp on the second site.
Hours passed and other backpackers began trickling in. Two people took spot number one even though it was scotching hot. However, they were smart and temporarily moved to lay down by the lake, jumping in several times to cool off. Our camp was on the farthest end of the lake and had a view of the trail and a good view of people hiking in and out. Soon, a group of six stopped at site number 3, but for some reason they chose to go on the other side of the lake which we later discovered was a pretty awesome spot. Camping spots were filling up quickly and by 4 in the afternoon, only three or four-spots remained.
A group of four hiked in, but only two carried bigger packs, so I wasn’t sure if they were day hikers or campers. Two of them set their packs down and started scouting for spots while the others changed into swim suites and started taking pictures. And let’s just say they spoke loudly! Since our camping spot was by the corner, the two individuals scouting the area glanced at our site to see if there was anything beyond but quickly turned around. They finally settled for on a spot that was rather tight and close to spot number one.
As I sat quietly observing, I realized that I had failed as a fellow backpacker. Perhaps not intentionally or consciously, but I wasn’t doing what I preach! I wasn’t a friendly face; I didn’t have a friendly smile or act as a welcoming neighbor. I don’t think I made them feel welcome. In fact, I think I was playing the gatekeeper role. My reasoning: Well I don’t want people who are loud (which they really were not). I said to myself, it’s probably better if they stay where they are. I mean how rude and inconsiderate of me.
I was hurting and I wasn’t being gracious to others. The ego and the hurt in me thought, well, they should have asked if there was a spot, they didn’t; it’s on them! Another excuse I had was they should have said hello first. Better yet I am not obligated to tell them there is a spot, they can find it. I even excused my behavior by thinking that there is joy and adventure in finding a spot for oneself and that I shouldn’t interfere with that! But I was being a gate keeper. I should have offered a simple act of kindest that wouldn’t have cost me anything. I could have said “Hi guys, they is a spot beyond us that is worth checking out.” And leave it at that. But I didn’t. Only much later after the guilt ate at me, did I speak up and tell them of the spot as they passed by. They were so excited and they decided to move their belonging.
So, I turn to you fellow hikers, backpackers, and travelers. Have you found yourself in a predicament where you know you could have been better or been kinder to others? What are some lessons you learned from those experiences?
The lesson for me is to remind myself even when I am going through loss and grief, I can still choose to be kind. And even though you are hurting, don’t hurt others, don’t take it out on others. Anyways, I guess there is some truth to the statement hurt people hurt others, but they hurt themselves even more. So, let’s do better. Let’s act in ways we would want others to do or act toward us. Lastly, my wish and hope for you is that you find help and comfort as you cope with grief and loss.
Thank you for sharing such a beauTiful life lesson in the midst of grief. I Know that there have been times when I was So wrapped up in my own feelings that i could have been kinder. Your post helps me remember tO unpack my feelings, set them aside for a while, and reach out to someone That could benefit from my kindness.